Do girls ever miss their first love?

All these took up most of my second year days of college.

And about the question , I guess it doesn't matter if girl or guy misses their first love or not. Once it ends, it should be closed for good. More chapters are to come , and before someone else gets the baggage of our failed first love , we should heal.

First few months were great . Slowly I saw myself not becoming his priority. He had trust issues ,doubts etc. Somehow we pulled it to a complete year but behind the scenes most of the months I was in tears.

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Then it changed into anger “ why did I have to love him?”

Then it changed into hate

That's when I met a batchmate . We started off as friends but he was interested in me. I was doubtful but soon I started liking him too. I never knew I would love him so madly that one day I would have to move on.

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I got hobbies , cultivated myself. I guess at times I remember him , naah i don't remember him particularly, I remember my love for him . I regret that it was so pure and got wasted on him.

New session of third year started. Again some new feelings stirred.

It was never easy to decide to break up . In my head I had committed myself to him , his flaws didn't bother me , I loved him for real. What bothered me was ,me putting in efforts ,love , time and him not being able to put even love in it.

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Most often women decide to leave first , and move on but it's never easy , if they have loved. They put efforts and keep tolerating to an extent that it crosses their limit and once they break , they don't look back.

I wanted to add a diary entry I had written during those proff days of second year. While reading it today I realised how difficult it might have been writing it back then… lucky him , to be loved by a writer huh

I always thought first love is the guy who comes first in sequence of liking. I had a brief period of friendship appearing like relationship with a guy in early days of first year. He couldn't let his insecurities go and eventually he left me . As expected I was broken , wondering he was my first love ,how will I move on ?

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But somewhere there too I wanted to make him jealous that someone else is getting my attention.

Somehow block unblock never worked , being batchmates we saw each other everyday. I am introvert , have hardly any male friends , so any news about class or anything, he gave it. After a while I thought I should let it go , Mbbs will soon end .

Despair “ why can't he try to text me in some other way , guys text from so many apps or numbers after getting blocked”

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Now there is only one feeling

Jealousy “ why is he so normal even after breakup?”

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Then again to crying.

Forgiveness “ he couldn't love me , it's okay, these things can't be forced”

At the last exam of my proff , I went out in evening and broke up for real . As usual he didn't believe it or treat it seriously. To add some seriousness I blocked him.

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I tried to Have a new crush to move on. I was in myth that all is fine as long as I focus myself on admiring new crush .

Soon I will be in final year. And I am still fighting this , I know someday I will stop remembering him. I am waiting for that someday.

I heard somewhere “ you shouldn't read those chapters whose outcome you already know”.

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I was crying “ why can't he love me the way I do?”

Sadness “ why can't I be happy like him”